I was grinning so hard reading this, just because of your singular writing/thinking!! I actually haven't read any of Monaghan's books, but I randomly saw her on a Zoom call organized by a fellow Substacker recently lol?? so there's a probably a decent chance she COULD see your ideas (which I love, my vote is for the marriage story first!). Your comments about women and work (particularly when that work is creative/intellectual) made me think of something Ava DuVernay does in her film ORIGIN (Not a romance to be sure lol). The scenes where Isabel Wilkerson works on her book are layered with swelling, orchestral music. Elif Batuman wrote a Substack post calling out those scenes, saying how the act of writing, researching, working was elevated to the level of detective work in a mystery, worthy of our complete attention. The making of the Thing IS the plot which we rarely see with women doing work, creative or otherwise. Anyway, AMAZING piece as usual!
I absolutely love this and echo Kathleen's comment above—now I want to go watch Origin!
And I completely agree. Honestly, while writing this piece, I found myself pausing and wondering if there’s a more universal essay to be written—something that looks more holistically at how women’s ambition is treated in popular literature and film. (Still noodling on that.) Because yes, we so rarely see women doing traditional paid work on screen—and when we do, it’s often flattened or romanticized in strange ways.
That said, I do think Annabel deserves credit—and maybe I should’ve made this more explicit in the piece—for how deeply she portrays the work women do at home. Her heroines are shown earnestly shepherding their children through change, holding their families together, picking up the pieces left behind by careless ex-husbands. (God, does she cheerfully murder those men so well!) She writes domestic labor with clarity and care and I think she should be more confident that work at home matters and not reach for depictions of paid work, which is where she wobbles more (in my opinion).
In some ways, that focus is quietly subversive. But it also throws into sharper relief how little attention is paid to women’s paid work in our stories—and how often it’s treated as either a nuisance or an afterthought.
Rena, your writing has that rare mix of sharp intellect and emotional precision—it’s like having a glass of wine with the smartest woman in the room, who also happens to know exactly how a good story should feel. You don’t just analyze romance novels—you elevate the conversation around them. I find myself nodding and laughing.
Thank you for treating this genre with the nuance, humor, and respect it deserves.
Thank you for being the absolute best cheerleader and reader of my work, Rachael!
On other notes - you must add her latest, It’s a Love Story, to your never ending TBR pile. Even though I’m not as fond of the narrator as I am of Nora - the writing is truly just a delight. I cannot believe how good Annabel has gotten, and so quickly too!
I want to stand up and cheer, Rena! I would LOVE to read more about women's work and ambition in Monaghan's work. Lord knows we have plenty of books about men doing that.
YES! Why is a women's ambition never enough of a full story to carry the day? I do wonder.
In some ways Nora was sly in this way - she didn't overtly have any ambition other than keeping the lights on, literally, for her kids - and she found her way into an Oscar winning screenwriting career. Somehow that felt more honest to me, that she didn't want it but was so quietly excellent success found her anyway. But we'd never expect a man's ambition to wear so heavy a cloak, so why did it feel so satisfying to me to see a woman's do that? Endless opportunities for pondering, really.
And isn't that the whole point? That these books so many write off as silly can contain multitudes?
Thank you for reading and for cheering and for commenting. Your support means so much!
I haven't read any Annabel Monaghan yet, but I will change that this summer. I thoroughly enjoyed your review and will be adding this one to my wishlist. Happy reading!
Oh yay! Thank you for being such a wonderful part of this community Jennifer - I always appreciate your thoughtful contributions. Nora Goes Off Script is my favorite story of hers but the line level work in It's a Love Story is SO good I almost don't care about disliking the main character, I just want to enjoy the ride haha.
We are going to have to figure out if the Chicago Manual of Style gives the format for citing a Substack post, because cut and pasted below is my list of ideas for my term essay (due in December) for Writing Craft 1 in my first year of MFA in Fiction. My fiction project veers between romance and women’s fiction, but let me be very clear, my female main character wears hard pants.
Women in STEM
I'm lovable except at work
Megaprojects in fiction
Women supporting each other
Rural electrification
Bodies of water in commercial/ women's fiction
Material culture
Stakes in fiction .. different for literary?
Sex and the single scientist
Character arcs for supporting cast
Professions and jobs of romance heroines
Education, competence and and prosperity in contemporary fictional women vs the male main character
With respect to the respect given to genre fiction - I was accepted into the Master of Fine Arts program with a project proposal that started:
"My proposed project for the MFA in Fiction program is a novel called The Hawthorne Effect. It’s contemporary women’s fiction, told in a single, close third-person point of view, that of main character Anne Baxter.
I have about 42,000 words written in a first draft, and pages of notes on Anne’s relationships and career. I haven’t firmly landed on the balance between the A story – Anne’s career-and-family plotline and the B story – her romance with Sam."
I did wonder if they'd think it wasn't literary enough, but I got in. In my six-student mentor group, I might add, there is one person writing body horror, one with a clever idea involving fae that isn't romantasy, and a third writing a "Minor-niner" narrated YA mystery novel (and two writing literary) so I guess I have found a program that respects genre.
You’ve inspired me to pick Monaghan back up! I read Summer Romance when it first came out…and it fell a little flat for me. Just didn’t vibe with it, so I haven’t read any of her others. But I love second chances, so I think I’ll try again!
Oh yay! Thank you so much for reading and for commenting!
Summer Romance is definitely her “quietest” book so I can understand that reaction. I would definitely read Nora, which I think is her best work, most fun work. And then absolutely read It’s a Love Story because even despite my irritation with Jane’s character the book is just so wildly entertaining to read. The writing really is that good.
I really loved Summer Romance because of how well she writes kids and themes of motherhood. I didn't find It's a Love Story as compelling (marginally-I still loved it), but I had to have a pencil near me because I was underlining so much. Her prose is this novel is really evocative. I hope she finds more of her footing, balancing believable, well drawn characters and this hit-you-in-your-gut prose. I never considered how she approaches paid work in her books, but now that I've read your essay I see everything you've dissected so clearly!
Thank you so much for reading (and for commenting!). I think you absolutely nailed it - the story just wasn’t as compelling but the craft work on display was incredible.
I didn’t want to come out and say this in my essay (because who am I to make this sweeping judgment) but I really think the book marks some of the best prose I’ve seen in contemporary romance, full stop.
I love hearing that my essay illuminated something about your own discerning taste - truly the best compliment ever. Thanks for being here! ❤️
I recently read “It’s a Love Story” and struggled to name what I didn’t like about it because it was a beautiful read. I think you’re onto something here with the idea that the characters (particularly the heroine) aren’t meaty enough to support the prose. Also along the lines of weak characterization and lack of exploring who Jane is outside of the week away with Dan, the s*x scenes in this book made me so mad. He doesn’t go down on her or prioritize her pleasure before jumping straight to penetration! Again, the work being done in the s*x scenes isn’t strong enough to support the prose. It feels like checking a box (same with Jane’s job) rather than using it as a moment to fully flesh out the characters.
Isn't is SUCH a beautiful read? It was just a delight from start to finish. I think if I'd liked it less, I'd have been unbothered by the weaker characterization of Jane. Her voice has just gotten so good, I want to see it tell a richer story!
Oh, Theodora! I have also come to expect the cunnilingus-first sex scene... it's de riguer in certain novels of this genre. And never in a bed... a trope i find ridiculous in a tiny apartment with the bed inches from the kitchen counter. But I mean, sometimes people just want to consummate, not perform. The exploratory, discovery sex will come. #lukewarmtake
I appreciate this take. Maybe consummation first is more natural/realistic. For me though, it’s about prioritizing the woman’s pleasure (in MF romance). So rarely in other literature does that happen, that I want my romance to explicitly feature her pleasure and show a hero who is excited and willing to make her feel good. It feels, to me, like an important part of the work that romance is doing, re: centering the woman’s perspective (again, in MF). If you don’t want to write cunnilingus, fade to black!
I just finished IT'S A LOVE STORY last night. I was also struck by how well written it was, even though I felt the whole trying-to-get-a-movie-made plot seemed inauthentic somehow? Like, I'm not a show biz insider, but I didn't find it believable, and I wanted more detail about what Jane's job actually entailed. It all seemed so vague compared to the sharp authenticity of the way Dan's family was depicted. But what really intrigued me were a couple passages near the end of the book, where we finally get to learn who actually WROTE the script Jane loved so much: Kay, who based it on "her relationship with her late husband." Jane asked Kay if it was love at first sight, and she said, "Oh God, no. He was wearing this awful bowling shirt and smelled like old cigarettes. I only went out with him because my roommate blackmailed me." I WANT TO READ KAY'S STORY!
Yes - you said it even better than I did - the career arc is vague as compared to the crystalline view of Dan's family. You can see she can write that precisely, so it's frustrating when other parts of the story don't get the same care. I genuinely think she's just not as comfortable writing the thirty something career women as she is families, I almost found it funny that they flee their offices so visibly!
And YES to Kay - I love how even the secondary characters threaten to steal the show. She's really such a talented humorist!
I *adored* NORA GOES OFF SCRIPT when it first came out but somehow had missed her recent (3!) books so got to read SUMMER ROMANCE and SAME TIME NEXT SUMMER back to back last week (I have not yet read her newest). I loved this analysis because I thought NORA and SUMMER ROMANCE were head and shoulders better than STNS and I'm wondering if it's partially because of this mom vs. worker main character distinction. I definitely didn't love the amount of lying to herself Sam was doing in SR and I hear you about her feelings surrounding ambition and success were inconsistent (even/especially with artist/academic free-spirited parents who she loves deeply - but wants to separate herself from too). So many good nuggets in SR (including the brother's relationship - maybe she can write that story next!) but didn't hold a candle to NORA or SR. I also think, as I approach 40, I enjoy a more mature (read: complex life stuff that truly matters) romance tale than the pure unburnished passion of being 17. That's its own thing - but not as interesting to me anymore.
I LOVE your pitches - please can we get you in touch with Monaghan?! I'd read BOTH of those.
And also - so glad to have found YOU! Please keep writing, can't wait to share your piece with my romance loving friends.
I felt so similarly to you. It wasn't until I read them back to back and really noticed the pattern in how differently she writes older vs younger protagonists that I started to untangle WHY I loved Nora and Summer Romance so much more than her other two books. And +1000 to enjoying a more mature romance as opposed to the purity of teenaged love.
Thank you so much for reading and for commenting. And most of all, for sharing with your friends! I couldn't ask for better readers and community here than you all and I'm so excited to keep chatting every week!
I am always looking for contemporary romances that have deeply interesting writing going on beyond the romance itself. These all sound so interesting. I love this structure you've built of comparing and contrasting a handful of works from a particular author. Great essay!
Thank you for your continued reading and engagement with my content, Micah - I always love seeing your name pop up now!
And - stay tuned, I have a great recc (I think) coming next week where the writing really sings, but has a totally different character than Annabel's soft focus touch.
I read SAME TIME NEXT SUMMER recently, and introduction to the author and I was struck by the prose so much, it made me want to read the rest of her books. TY for this!
It’s truly just so excellent!! Definitely go read Nora Goes Off Script. It’s not quite as accomplished from a prose perspective but it’s so deeply enjoyable. I’ve reread it so many times!
It's interesting, this sentence you pulled out: "People are standing around the pit in the last of the evening light and I have the sense that I am watching a commercial for something that I want to buy." I understand why it speaks to you and yet I find myself wanting to edit it. I would take out both uses of "that", so the result would be: "People are standing around the pit in the last of the evening light and I have the sense I'm watching a commercial for something I want to buy."
This is such a smart point - I can absolutely see the argument for dropping both that's and it's such a smart refinement that makes the line snappier. It almost transitions the line to an observation from a realization because it arrives faster. It makes it wry-er and sharper.
I think the double that version is more deliberate and demonstrates a kind of earnest self-awareness, as if Jane is observing their own susceptibility in real time. The pacing slows slightly, which lends weight to the realization?
You have an excellent eye for line level work - thank you so much for reading. What a joy it is to have such smart readers engaging with my work. I hope you'll stay!
It could be done purposely to add weight as you suggest, but overall I think any time a "that" can be removed from a sentence, it should be.
I sure appreciate you saying I have a good eye for line level work. I do it A LOT in my head when I'm reading books. Now the question is, how to get work doing it? I could use more work😉.
PS: I humbly suggest you are the one who is a joy! 😊
I’m only on my 2nd Monaghan book. I enjoyed Nora Goes Off Script but she didn’t write the way other writers I know (including screenwriters) work. But I let all that go and just enjoyed the story.
Thank you for reading and commenting! I couldn't agree more - I think that's sort of my whole point, she's so good at what she does that you find yourself wanting to suspend reality and follow her into the story. But I think she's able to do that best with certain characters more than others.
I was grinning so hard reading this, just because of your singular writing/thinking!! I actually haven't read any of Monaghan's books, but I randomly saw her on a Zoom call organized by a fellow Substacker recently lol?? so there's a probably a decent chance she COULD see your ideas (which I love, my vote is for the marriage story first!). Your comments about women and work (particularly when that work is creative/intellectual) made me think of something Ava DuVernay does in her film ORIGIN (Not a romance to be sure lol). The scenes where Isabel Wilkerson works on her book are layered with swelling, orchestral music. Elif Batuman wrote a Substack post calling out those scenes, saying how the act of writing, researching, working was elevated to the level of detective work in a mystery, worthy of our complete attention. The making of the Thing IS the plot which we rarely see with women doing work, creative or otherwise. Anyway, AMAZING piece as usual!
I absolutely love this and echo Kathleen's comment above—now I want to go watch Origin!
And I completely agree. Honestly, while writing this piece, I found myself pausing and wondering if there’s a more universal essay to be written—something that looks more holistically at how women’s ambition is treated in popular literature and film. (Still noodling on that.) Because yes, we so rarely see women doing traditional paid work on screen—and when we do, it’s often flattened or romanticized in strange ways.
That said, I do think Annabel deserves credit—and maybe I should’ve made this more explicit in the piece—for how deeply she portrays the work women do at home. Her heroines are shown earnestly shepherding their children through change, holding their families together, picking up the pieces left behind by careless ex-husbands. (God, does she cheerfully murder those men so well!) She writes domestic labor with clarity and care and I think she should be more confident that work at home matters and not reach for depictions of paid work, which is where she wobbles more (in my opinion).
In some ways, that focus is quietly subversive. But it also throws into sharper relief how little attention is paid to women’s paid work in our stories—and how often it’s treated as either a nuisance or an afterthought.
No I think you absolutely did her justice in this piece, and I will definitely be picking up her books because of it!!
this immediately made me want to watch ORIGIN.
Rena, your writing has that rare mix of sharp intellect and emotional precision—it’s like having a glass of wine with the smartest woman in the room, who also happens to know exactly how a good story should feel. You don’t just analyze romance novels—you elevate the conversation around them. I find myself nodding and laughing.
Thank you for treating this genre with the nuance, humor, and respect it deserves.
I've only read NORA GOES OFF SCRIPT but I LOVE your suggestions for Monaghan's next novels!!
Thank you for being the absolute best cheerleader and reader of my work, Rachael!
On other notes - you must add her latest, It’s a Love Story, to your never ending TBR pile. Even though I’m not as fond of the narrator as I am of Nora - the writing is truly just a delight. I cannot believe how good Annabel has gotten, and so quickly too!
You're welcome. I absolutely love your posts and I'm looking forward to IT's A LOVE STORY. I've got it on order but it's not out in Australia yet :(
Ooh but I just checked and digitally it is and it's on SALE! So I've just bought it.
Oh yay!!!!! It truly is a delight to read!
I want to stand up and cheer, Rena! I would LOVE to read more about women's work and ambition in Monaghan's work. Lord knows we have plenty of books about men doing that.
YES! Why is a women's ambition never enough of a full story to carry the day? I do wonder.
In some ways Nora was sly in this way - she didn't overtly have any ambition other than keeping the lights on, literally, for her kids - and she found her way into an Oscar winning screenwriting career. Somehow that felt more honest to me, that she didn't want it but was so quietly excellent success found her anyway. But we'd never expect a man's ambition to wear so heavy a cloak, so why did it feel so satisfying to me to see a woman's do that? Endless opportunities for pondering, really.
And isn't that the whole point? That these books so many write off as silly can contain multitudes?
Thank you for reading and for cheering and for commenting. Your support means so much!
I haven't read any Annabel Monaghan yet, but I will change that this summer. I thoroughly enjoyed your review and will be adding this one to my wishlist. Happy reading!
Oh yay! Thank you for being such a wonderful part of this community Jennifer - I always appreciate your thoughtful contributions. Nora Goes Off Script is my favorite story of hers but the line level work in It's a Love Story is SO good I almost don't care about disliking the main character, I just want to enjoy the ride haha.
Come back and let me know your thoughts please!
We are going to have to figure out if the Chicago Manual of Style gives the format for citing a Substack post, because cut and pasted below is my list of ideas for my term essay (due in December) for Writing Craft 1 in my first year of MFA in Fiction. My fiction project veers between romance and women’s fiction, but let me be very clear, my female main character wears hard pants.
Women in STEM
I'm lovable except at work
Megaprojects in fiction
Women supporting each other
Rural electrification
Bodies of water in commercial/ women's fiction
Material culture
Stakes in fiction .. different for literary?
Sex and the single scientist
Character arcs for supporting cast
Professions and jobs of romance heroines
Education, competence and and prosperity in contemporary fictional women vs the male main character
Reese's picks?
Whose fault was the divorce?
I e. Nora goes off script all his fault.
Ha! This comment just made my entire morning! What a gift to be in conversation with such smart, thoughtful and fun women.
I want to see this essay when it’s done - please send to me - Rena.rani.writes@gmail.com
With respect to the respect given to genre fiction - I was accepted into the Master of Fine Arts program with a project proposal that started:
"My proposed project for the MFA in Fiction program is a novel called The Hawthorne Effect. It’s contemporary women’s fiction, told in a single, close third-person point of view, that of main character Anne Baxter.
I have about 42,000 words written in a first draft, and pages of notes on Anne’s relationships and career. I haven’t firmly landed on the balance between the A story – Anne’s career-and-family plotline and the B story – her romance with Sam."
I did wonder if they'd think it wasn't literary enough, but I got in. In my six-student mentor group, I might add, there is one person writing body horror, one with a clever idea involving fae that isn't romantasy, and a third writing a "Minor-niner" narrated YA mystery novel (and two writing literary) so I guess I have found a program that respects genre.
I love this so much - thank you for sharing!!
You’ve inspired me to pick Monaghan back up! I read Summer Romance when it first came out…and it fell a little flat for me. Just didn’t vibe with it, so I haven’t read any of her others. But I love second chances, so I think I’ll try again!
Oh yay! Thank you so much for reading and for commenting!
Summer Romance is definitely her “quietest” book so I can understand that reaction. I would definitely read Nora, which I think is her best work, most fun work. And then absolutely read It’s a Love Story because even despite my irritation with Jane’s character the book is just so wildly entertaining to read. The writing really is that good.
I really loved Summer Romance because of how well she writes kids and themes of motherhood. I didn't find It's a Love Story as compelling (marginally-I still loved it), but I had to have a pencil near me because I was underlining so much. Her prose is this novel is really evocative. I hope she finds more of her footing, balancing believable, well drawn characters and this hit-you-in-your-gut prose. I never considered how she approaches paid work in her books, but now that I've read your essay I see everything you've dissected so clearly!
Thank you so much for reading (and for commenting!). I think you absolutely nailed it - the story just wasn’t as compelling but the craft work on display was incredible.
I didn’t want to come out and say this in my essay (because who am I to make this sweeping judgment) but I really think the book marks some of the best prose I’ve seen in contemporary romance, full stop.
I love hearing that my essay illuminated something about your own discerning taste - truly the best compliment ever. Thanks for being here! ❤️
I recently read “It’s a Love Story” and struggled to name what I didn’t like about it because it was a beautiful read. I think you’re onto something here with the idea that the characters (particularly the heroine) aren’t meaty enough to support the prose. Also along the lines of weak characterization and lack of exploring who Jane is outside of the week away with Dan, the s*x scenes in this book made me so mad. He doesn’t go down on her or prioritize her pleasure before jumping straight to penetration! Again, the work being done in the s*x scenes isn’t strong enough to support the prose. It feels like checking a box (same with Jane’s job) rather than using it as a moment to fully flesh out the characters.
Isn't is SUCH a beautiful read? It was just a delight from start to finish. I think if I'd liked it less, I'd have been unbothered by the weaker characterization of Jane. Her voice has just gotten so good, I want to see it tell a richer story!
Oh, Theodora! I have also come to expect the cunnilingus-first sex scene... it's de riguer in certain novels of this genre. And never in a bed... a trope i find ridiculous in a tiny apartment with the bed inches from the kitchen counter. But I mean, sometimes people just want to consummate, not perform. The exploratory, discovery sex will come. #lukewarmtake
I appreciate this take. Maybe consummation first is more natural/realistic. For me though, it’s about prioritizing the woman’s pleasure (in MF romance). So rarely in other literature does that happen, that I want my romance to explicitly feature her pleasure and show a hero who is excited and willing to make her feel good. It feels, to me, like an important part of the work that romance is doing, re: centering the woman’s perspective (again, in MF). If you don’t want to write cunnilingus, fade to black!
I just finished IT'S A LOVE STORY last night. I was also struck by how well written it was, even though I felt the whole trying-to-get-a-movie-made plot seemed inauthentic somehow? Like, I'm not a show biz insider, but I didn't find it believable, and I wanted more detail about what Jane's job actually entailed. It all seemed so vague compared to the sharp authenticity of the way Dan's family was depicted. But what really intrigued me were a couple passages near the end of the book, where we finally get to learn who actually WROTE the script Jane loved so much: Kay, who based it on "her relationship with her late husband." Jane asked Kay if it was love at first sight, and she said, "Oh God, no. He was wearing this awful bowling shirt and smelled like old cigarettes. I only went out with him because my roommate blackmailed me." I WANT TO READ KAY'S STORY!
Yes - you said it even better than I did - the career arc is vague as compared to the crystalline view of Dan's family. You can see she can write that precisely, so it's frustrating when other parts of the story don't get the same care. I genuinely think she's just not as comfortable writing the thirty something career women as she is families, I almost found it funny that they flee their offices so visibly!
And YES to Kay - I love how even the secondary characters threaten to steal the show. She's really such a talented humorist!
I *adored* NORA GOES OFF SCRIPT when it first came out but somehow had missed her recent (3!) books so got to read SUMMER ROMANCE and SAME TIME NEXT SUMMER back to back last week (I have not yet read her newest). I loved this analysis because I thought NORA and SUMMER ROMANCE were head and shoulders better than STNS and I'm wondering if it's partially because of this mom vs. worker main character distinction. I definitely didn't love the amount of lying to herself Sam was doing in SR and I hear you about her feelings surrounding ambition and success were inconsistent (even/especially with artist/academic free-spirited parents who she loves deeply - but wants to separate herself from too). So many good nuggets in SR (including the brother's relationship - maybe she can write that story next!) but didn't hold a candle to NORA or SR. I also think, as I approach 40, I enjoy a more mature (read: complex life stuff that truly matters) romance tale than the pure unburnished passion of being 17. That's its own thing - but not as interesting to me anymore.
I LOVE your pitches - please can we get you in touch with Monaghan?! I'd read BOTH of those.
And also - so glad to have found YOU! Please keep writing, can't wait to share your piece with my romance loving friends.
I felt so similarly to you. It wasn't until I read them back to back and really noticed the pattern in how differently she writes older vs younger protagonists that I started to untangle WHY I loved Nora and Summer Romance so much more than her other two books. And +1000 to enjoying a more mature romance as opposed to the purity of teenaged love.
Thank you so much for reading and for commenting. And most of all, for sharing with your friends! I couldn't ask for better readers and community here than you all and I'm so excited to keep chatting every week!
I am always looking for contemporary romances that have deeply interesting writing going on beyond the romance itself. These all sound so interesting. I love this structure you've built of comparing and contrasting a handful of works from a particular author. Great essay!
Thank you for your continued reading and engagement with my content, Micah - I always love seeing your name pop up now!
And - stay tuned, I have a great recc (I think) coming next week where the writing really sings, but has a totally different character than Annabel's soft focus touch.
I read SAME TIME NEXT SUMMER recently, and introduction to the author and I was struck by the prose so much, it made me want to read the rest of her books. TY for this!
It’s truly just so excellent!! Definitely go read Nora Goes Off Script. It’s not quite as accomplished from a prose perspective but it’s so deeply enjoyable. I’ve reread it so many times!
It's interesting, this sentence you pulled out: "People are standing around the pit in the last of the evening light and I have the sense that I am watching a commercial for something that I want to buy." I understand why it speaks to you and yet I find myself wanting to edit it. I would take out both uses of "that", so the result would be: "People are standing around the pit in the last of the evening light and I have the sense I'm watching a commercial for something I want to buy."
This is such a smart point - I can absolutely see the argument for dropping both that's and it's such a smart refinement that makes the line snappier. It almost transitions the line to an observation from a realization because it arrives faster. It makes it wry-er and sharper.
I think the double that version is more deliberate and demonstrates a kind of earnest self-awareness, as if Jane is observing their own susceptibility in real time. The pacing slows slightly, which lends weight to the realization?
You have an excellent eye for line level work - thank you so much for reading. What a joy it is to have such smart readers engaging with my work. I hope you'll stay!
Hi Rena,
It could be done purposely to add weight as you suggest, but overall I think any time a "that" can be removed from a sentence, it should be.
I sure appreciate you saying I have a good eye for line level work. I do it A LOT in my head when I'm reading books. Now the question is, how to get work doing it? I could use more work😉.
PS: I humbly suggest you are the one who is a joy! 😊
I’m only on my 2nd Monaghan book. I enjoyed Nora Goes Off Script but she didn’t write the way other writers I know (including screenwriters) work. But I let all that go and just enjoyed the story.
Thank you for reading and commenting! I couldn't agree more - I think that's sort of my whole point, she's so good at what she does that you find yourself wanting to suspend reality and follow her into the story. But I think she's able to do that best with certain characters more than others.